Thursday, April 19, 2012

"Where the heck did you get that banana?"... or... Why My Dog Is Named Anderson

With a stop light, green means "go" and yellow means "slow down". With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means "go", green means "whoa, slow down", and red means "where the heck did you get that banana?" - Mitch Hedberg

I was not raised to be the parent of an autistic child. I have wonderful parents. These parents have become even more than exceptional grandparents. Very little of what I learned from them in regards to raising a child can be applied to my own child. My parents, like the majority of their generation, did a dandy job raising a stop light. I am raising a banana.

I spend a lot of time translating. I am still not accustomed to it. Imagine understanding every individual word being said to you but either the words are put together in a completely foreign way or that every third word in the sentence is missing. Imagine being not the person "speaking" the alien language but being in love with that person and watching them struggle to make others understand. Now imagine everyone in the room, including the misunderstood love of your life, turning to you for an explanation that you are just not able to give. Welcome to my life. I am going to tell you how I have begun to decipher banana.

My earliest attempts at dealing with such situations was to just tell the confused parties "She is autistic." That statement was usually met with timid smiles of understanding, nods of consent or shrugs of indifference. It took a while for me to realise that all I was doing was giving people permission to dismiss my child. I was not helping her. I was "scrapping her mission". I was taking away all of her power. If you point out the banana on the floor people may not slip on it but it is still on the floor. If you pick it up it has potential.

My second plan of attack was to hover over her and give her "cues". Like the guy with his head sticking out of the trap door on the stage during a high school play, I would carry on as if I thought no one could see me. I completely invalidated anything she tried to express. Here is the banana. You can look at it. Don't smell it or eat it. It doesn't matter what you have done with all of the other bananas in your life. Just look at it. That is all.

"Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them." - Lady Bird Johnson

My current tact has been to just let her fly. Sure there are times when this has been disastrous but they have been her disasters. Not confusing muddled mixed up problems of my making. She knows that if she needs help understanding or being understood she can ask me to help out, and I will. Most times people manage to gather enough to get the point. Sometimes they walk away confused. Sometimes they ask HER to clarify. No matter what happens it has been far more beneficial to her self confidence than any other changes we have made throughout the years. She has been far more sociable. She initiates far more conversations. She brings far more joy and entertainment (both intentional and unintentional) into every one's lives.

For example.....
Our dog is named Anderson. If you ask Stephannie why she picked out the name Anderson she will tell you "... because calling a dog Bull is dumb in any language, the John Bentley part of that story... you know the story... that story is just too horrible, and Mom thought the neighbors would laugh if she ever had to yell 'Belcher' out the back door." If you need the Banana to Stop Light translation book just ask. I'll keep it warm for you.





No comments:

Post a Comment